Occasionally, something will wander into my inbox that’s of a quality that warrants the best mocking I have the energy to put out when I see it. Even more occasionally, such mock-worthy things are not, in fact, to do with politics on either side of the Canada/US border. Today is one such occasion.

A Mexican-born gentleman wanted for bank fraud in the US thought it would be fun to advertise on Facebook, his various escapades while hiding from authorities in Cancun. There was just one very small problem. Well, okay, two. He posted his activities on Facebook, which meant anyone with a grudge against him could have probably very easily turned him in and not even blinked an eye at it. But, and this is what nets him moron of the month, he added a former DOJ official as a friend on Facebook. Yep, you guessed it–the official easily turned him in and didn’t even blink an eye. Folks, the opinionated fool does not condone breaking the law in any way, shape or form, but if you must, don’t be an idiot about it. Broadcasting to anyone who happens to stumble across your Facebook or Twitter profile exactly what you’re doing, where you’re doing it and when you’re doing it? That qualifies as being an idiot about it. Oh yeah, he’s also on his way back to the US now. Surprised? So is he.

The primary source of information for the letter addressed to Canada’s governor general in the linked article is this NASA report, that still focuses almost entirely on the fact the earth is actually entering a warming cycle of possibly disastrous proportions, and not, in fact, cooling off a little. And uses that report in an attempt to make a political issue of a virtual non-starter.

Let’s assume, just for the sake of argument, that the NASA report is accurate. Let’s also assume it actually managed to provoke some kind of action on this apparent threat to national security. The only answer we have from Canada’s politicians is the threat of a carbon tax, which yes, Stephen Harper isn’t entirely all that interested in listening to. And, which Michael Ignatieff both does and doesn’t want. Not that raising Canadians’ taxes to compensate for it will do a whole lot to stop or slow down something that’s been going on since long before we started producing greenhouse gases.

The letter to Canada’s governor general doesn’t give any real direction as to what Canadians or their government could or should do differently, either–it doesn’t even touch the idea of a carbon tax. It only stresses the fact that she should, if she cares about Canada at all, remove Stephen Harper from office and charge him with high treason. Folks, I have to point it out. Even the people who thought George Bush was behind the events of 9/11 didn’t try that. The letter’s author gets an A for effort. And an F for making the average Canadian take him seriously. Good try, though. It was at least a semi-interesting read if nothing else.

And of course, you have the requisit whiners in the comments going on about how he’s being held to a higher standard and should therefore be fired/otherwise flogged for his comments. News flash, folks. Your local police officer is not a whole lot different from your local pizza delivery person. Except if you curse out your local police officer, he can and probably will slap you with the idiot stick. He, like everyone else, is going to vent. And, if he happens to have Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, or one of 4 billion other sites out there, he’s probably going to do the said venting on that. If you saw him sitting with a couple friends, or a couple relatives, in a bar and happened to overhear him say something similar to what he’s being taken to task for now, would the reaction have been the same? My money’s on probably not. So relax. Chill the hell out. And take comfort in the fact if you were one of the commenters to post on the news article in question demanding he be taken out back and shot for his inexcusable crimes against humanity, you were also probably one of the people he was talking about. The only difference is he wasn’t mocking you.

Here at the Opinionated Fool, stupidity and stupid people are mocked all the time–usually, though, they’re in politics. Perhaps if the Bozeman police department chooses to fire him, we’ll see if we can’t get our hands on his contact info. Then it can be said the local stupid is being mocked to no end. Hey, it’s just a suggestion.

It would appear he got the idea from a video of another wonderful example of human inteligence, who dressed up in a banana costume and set himself on fire–that video has since been removed from Youtube, citing terms of use violations. So now, she’s on a campaign to try and pin the situation on Youtube, saying it needs to be more strict with its guidelines.

Clearly, mommy dearest is almost as lacking in common sense as her darling son. Here’s a little bit of a logic lesson, just for those of you keeping score. Lack of self-preservation on the part of mommy dearest plus spawn of stupid does not constitute an emergency on the part of Youtube. Somehow, I don’t think there’s a lawsuit in this world that’ll change that. Not that some poor fool won’t try anyway. Here, have a clue by four.

Claudia Bustamante, also known as our charming example of human moronicness, was stopped twice in the span of 2 hours by the same police officer. And both times, cited for DUI. The first time, at 1:13 AM, she had a blood alcohol content of twice what the legal limit is. Naturally, she was thrown into detox for it. That should have been the end of it right there, but then it wouldn’t have made the stupid list. At 3:09 AM, after her boyfriend had picked her up from detox and proceeded to follow her home–still well above the legal limit, she was stopped again. This time, local police weren’t so forgiving and threw her in jail with a DUI and a negligent driving charge. No word whatsoever on whether or not the boyfriend, who should have been the only driver in that situation in the first place, ended up getting stuck with the same charge for letting her drive after picking her up from detox.

I don’t doubt that everywhere you turn, you’re going to run into some measure of stupid people. And more than likely, they’re going to wind up in competition for the moron of the year award. But when you hand those people a license and keys to a vehicle, bad things almost always happen. In this case, the only bad thing happened to her in that she gets a nice comfortable jail cell until she regains her senses–if she ever had any in the first place. One can always hope, though the opinionated fool will take the opportunity to point out the probability of it happening is nearly nonexistent, that she winds up before a judge and walks away sans license. And please, can someone kindly wrap a clue by four around her boyfriend’s head? The month is still young, but August’s incredible moron award goes to either or both of these two. Smile. You’re on epic fail camera.

The article reports that while in their car, Barack Obama’s name was typed into a computer, which triggered a warning from the NCIS. The secret service was notified, called the Georgia state police station in which the officers are based, and a suspension was born. Boys, I may not be an intelectual mastermind over here, but I do believe you just screwed up. Forget career limitting move. I believe these particular individuals may have just redefined career ending. Kind of makes me wonder who else gets randomly tossed into those searches. On both sides of the border.

Update 7/15/2009: He got out of it, too. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you an Afghanistan opponent’s favourite excuse. As of now.

The article above outlines the specifics of exactly what their issue is with it, but for lack of a better way of putting it, their problems are two-fold–he released this song, which all but seems to encourage the exploitation of the female sex, plus his daughters and their friends were apparently on stage dancing to it during a live performance of this song last week.

If you can actually stomach the horible typing found in a goodly portion of the comments to that article, they raise several valid points that really, any reasonable person would have a difficult time arguing with. Most noteably, they point out almost exactly the level of ridiculous the situation reaches that a website, which encourages supporters to do everything from broadcast their support on Twitter or Facebook to calling up the local radio stations in question, is demanding the hault of that particular song–particularly when, as is pointed out in the comments, there are songs of an equal or worse nature being played on likely those very same stations. Add to that, the children the claim says are supposedly being harmed by this are old enough that they have technologies such as computers, iPods, etc and are more than likely savvy enough to have gotten their hands on this particular song by other, less than legal means if they really wanted to listen to it. Plus, the song’s been uploaded to YouTube (WARNING: NSFW), making their attempts to hamper local radio stations a little bit pointless–if they really wanted to hear that song anyway, they would.

To me, this almost seems like yet another push by the religious community, with the help of a few overprotective parents, to try and gain some degree of relevance in today’s life. Really, though, the fact that radio stations, even in its sensored form, have absolutely no problem playing music of this variety when even 10 years ago they did, should be clue enough that it just doesn’t work that way anymore. Of course, I still welcome this group to try and will try and keep an eye on their efforts–who knows, I may find myself surprised. Then again, that may be assuming far too much.

Now, I may not be Harper’s biggest fan, but can we at least try to not get our panties in a knot here, folks? Yes, I understand that to a devoted catholic, it’s the body of Christ. But to everyone else, it’s just a cracker–and not a very good one at that. And if he wasn’t supposed to have been given it, the priest should have probably–oh, I don’t know–not given it to him. But there I go doing something you don’t necessarily see in religion, oh… say… at all–making sense. Maybe Stephen Harper should invite PZ Myers along on his next funeral participation? He’s offered his services, and who knows, maybe it’ll make things a little bit easier. Unless the religious community will criticise that, too.

Update: Not guilty by reason of religious stupidity. How many of us called it? Or care?

Readers will meet the fried-chicken joint that ran out of chicken; the fast-food
worker who locked the doors because “we’ve got too many customers”; the jail guards whose head count kept coming up wrong because they were counting themselves;
and–unfortunately–much, much more. There’s also a section to help readers determine if they or someone they know is, in fact, stupid.

Something tells me this is a book I’ll be getting my hands on. And I don’t even read for leasure all that often. In this case, though? Trust me, I’d make an exception. It’s for a good cause.

Even the guy that drove him around thought he was a tiny bit crazy about the whole immortality thing. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m at least slightly curious about the whole immortality thing–come on, we all are… you can admit it–but geebus criminy, Mikey. The world does not need a sequel. Especially a Jackson sequel.